Round Five: I spell it `yogurt'

Fruity. Processed. Predictable. I'm afraid that US yogurt, as much as I love it, can't compare to Chinese Yogurt. At least on the scale of interesting-ness. Maybe on the scale of tastiness, but who cares about that?

For indeed, the name of the game as far as yogurt goes must be the unpredictability of the flavors (I imagine Yogurt CEOs throwing bowls of test yogurt across the room shouting "Dammit! I want something new and exciting!"). Yogurt sort of like toothbrushes in that regard: the basics are pretty much perfected, which means that you need to lure new customers with flash.

Alas, the US yogurt market isn't ready for the innovation on the scale of China. No corn, no tomato. Pretty much all fruits, and berry fruits at that*, followed closely on the heels by citrus fruits, with the occasional vanilla outlier. What's worse, we're talking about pretty processed fruit (at least as far as what I buy in the morning for my breakfast); though I do like my Yoplait, I'm pretty sure that they aren't scouring the mountains for blueberrys, or sorting through to find only the juiciest of the blackberry harvest. Also, `strawberry kiwi'=strawberry, and `orange creme'=orange. The lone standout (not pictured) is Key Lime pie, which represents a new pinnacle of processed yogurt consumption. But only in the sense that those toothbrushes with slightly angled heads represent a new pinnacle of toothbrush evolution, which is to say not really.

So although you might have much to worry about, dear E, remember: you are in a land of exciting and exotic yogurt. Hold your head high!


*Allow me to take a moment to point out that Tomatoes (in the US) aren't properly considered fruits in this context. Tomatoes are fruits in a botanical context. But if we're in a botanical context, then are no vegetables. The distinction between fruits and vegetables is a culinary distinction, and in western cuisine, Tomatoes belong on the vegetable side.

Oh, and I was totally on the clock for that.